I have sat here in front of my computer screen for about five minutes trying to figure out how I wanted to start this post. Should I be witty? Should I say something heart felt that would make you saw awwww in the first five seconds? Should I say something bold that will knock your socks off? Well, these kind of questions is exactly what has kept me from posting much lately to begin with so I'll just shoot it straight ;-)
The last month has been...well...ugly. Not that there was any tragegy that occurred, it was just my own funky head space and working through things. Please note: Funky head space is NOT the head space that you want to be in while working through things. You need clarity, and you need to create and not react.
Let me switch gears for a hot sec. You probably remember my fabulous choco balls from the fabulous team over at SuperNatural Energy Balls
, yes? Recap on them, I released weight where other things hadn't worked, I felt uh-MAY-zing, and I had such clarity- mentally and emotionally. Even though I was experiencing these things during a difficult time with separating from my husband, ensuring that I was a support for my children, and getting the biz up and going to a stable walk, I still had doubts. I wanted to see if these little gems had been having a placebo effect on me, or if it had just been the Perfect Storm for them to "work".
So I took one month off. Just as I had taken their 30-day Chocolate Challenge, I was taking a 30-day Un-Challenge.
Here are the physical things that happened: I gained 4lbs and went back to 191, my hands hurt from the arthritis being inflamed, I was retaining water like crazy, my hair became brittle, my skin was looking dull. And none of those are the reason why I wanted to start eating them again! It was the rest of it.
My thinking started getting cloudy...REALLY cloudy. I was having a very difficult time thinking clearly about anything. Emotionally, I was very irritable. I didn't feel like doing anything not only because I was being blase, but because I didn't have the energy. Yanno, my got up and go got up and went. Sluggish, oh yeah. I found myself in a space of reacting and survival mode more often than not.
Now, make no bones about it, I am in a survival mode right now. Due to leaving my corporate position before having ANY infrastructure for my biz set up and then going to a partial income household from a two income household there has been some bleeding occur and I need to figure out a corporate position again FAST to prevent fatal bank hemmoraging now. Like by June 1st. And that is not going to happen if I am simply running around not thinking clearly, reacting to everything, biting off everyone's head, and running a TON of disrespectful head talk in the process! I know that you can completely relate...what to do when your committments and desires are pulling you in so many directions? STOP. BREATHE. STRETCH. EXPERIENCE PLEASURE OF SOME SORT. Then look at your nutrition.
No kidding. If my cells are in survival mode, then it will trigger the rest of me to go there. Think about the last time that you were STAAAARRVING. You could not think straight, you were barking at anyone and everyone, and you were nearly animalistic. So if you are not getting the proper nutrition that you need, what do you think is happening to you at a cellular level?
So here is the game plan. As soon as I was aware that I had gone into reacting mode, I reached out to one of my dearest friends (*note- make sure that you have a wise friend that you respect to go to and act as your counsel.) and I shared with her all of my fears. We shed light on them so that they were not as powerful. Then I breathed. I laid in the floor and stretched like a cat so that I could feel my body and get present. I also saw that my nutrition had been WAY out of whack. I have started back on SuperNatural Energy Balls as of last Friday and I am already feeling better. I can focus much better. Weigh in day is tomorrow so we'll see how that goes. And now I look for, and at, new opportunities. Oh...and of course grab my coach. You need someone to be accountable to when you take on something bigger and are on a deadline.
Now I am not saying that my life went to hell in a handbasket because I stopped eating choco balls
. I am saying that because my mind was not clear and focussed, I had a challenging time fielding the curve balls that life was jammin' at me.
Time to play ball! Time to create.
A rainy day here at the Edmonds, WA office...my still husband's house. Due to logistics, and particular computer system, I needed to work from here today. It is also Mommy Daycare day so I packed up my Best Guy and his dog Loki and we headed to the Edmonds office for the day.So here I am and it turned lunchtime. I find something for my Best Guy and prepare it and now I am looking for something for myself. Now, let me start this with one of the differences between me and my still husband*
is our food choices. I have chosen less processed, less sugary foods and he loves his Nalley chili and Velveta with a Reese's to follow it. As I start looking for something, I am not finding what I would typically eat- and I didn't exactly expect to though. I found the can of chili, the tortilla chips, the peanut butter and white bread, and the piece du resistance: Ramen.For years, I have not had Ramen in my home (yes, I get that this is not my home any longer but hang in there with me). I ate it while I served in the US Navy and vowed to never eat it again. I don't even think that it can actually be considered food. Even during my go at Single Mama 1.0, I hadn't resorted to such things. Just thinking about it makes my hands swell
and my stomach knot up. So you can only imagine my surprise as I have already reached for it...and was in the process making it!The past couple of weeks have been busy for me (read insane).
I have not been eating well and as a result, I have not had the energy that I typically do, my hands have been hurting as they are inflamed, and I have just been in a general funk. And it has taken me going to the point of eating Ramen to see just where I am right now. THANK GOD that I am ordering more Super Natural Energy Balls
next week and going back Raw. I am already looking forward to the detox of the crap that I have been eating. I have not gained any weight in this though. Although I have been eating dirty, I have been taking vitamins, drinking plenty of water, and watching the overall calorie intake. I am choosing not to beat myself up over this episode and reminding myself that I need to love myself...all of me...even when I eat such things! Then, because of that love, take better care of myself and choose foods more appropriately
aligned with what I am up to in the world. Ah the wonder of forgiving yourself!Then I get present to just how damn fortunate that I am that I have that choice of foods. I had seen a startling imagine awhile back about the people of Haiti resorting to eating mud cookies that were baked in the sun in order to stave off hunger.
MUD COOKIES. Men, women, the elderly, children who need the nutrition for brain development- all were eating mud cookies. My problems are not so big now.Recently, Haiti had an election and a former pop-star was elected. Side note-I am not going to go into anything about the politics involved, well, because frankly, I don't give a shit about government much anymore. I am more interested in how we as people govern ourselves. After all, we have shown that we can overthrow governments
. The Haitian people were so fed up with the previous traditional government that they elected the unknown. They get that to have something different, you have to do things differently. There have been millions of dollars in aid sent to Haiti and yet still little has been done. Tens of thousands are still living in tent cities and rubble is still to be cleared. There is no doubt that there is still much work to be done there.So what. There is always something going on somewhere, right? Haiti, Egypt, Libya,
Somalia, Japan. Yes there is always something going on. There are always opportunities for YOU to be a part of a solution somewhere. And here is how you can make a difference in Haiti...right now...without worry of your donation getting tied up in any red tape.One Hundred for Haiti
is a grass roots campaign to gather donors at all levels of giving to support direct action humanitarian aid for the people of Haiti. They have a direct contact with a physician there that administers the much needed medical treatments on a volunteer basis. As their website states, they are "a conduit for funds and are absolutely willing to connect donors directly to people in Haiti who need support. We can give you contact information for people in Haiti, and you can send them money directly: we recognize that in the aftermath of the quake, that donors are sometimes skeptical of relief organizations and their overhead costs that absorb donated funds." In addition to the medical needs, they are involved with making sure that clean water gets to villages so that the women do not need to walk for miles each way. With a water supply, they can grow whole, nutritious foods.
Now, going from my Ramen relapse, still loving myself despite it, getting present to just what I am committed to for myself, counting my many blessings that I have CHOICE, to getting the world of those who do not, and providing you with a way to get involved and make a potentially life saving difference for another human being, I am so incredibly happy that I ate that damn Ramen!*still husband: separated, on friendly terms, not divorced; therefore not an ex-husband/was-band and not husband.
Just in case you have been living under a rock, I started my workshop series last night. Now, I have done workshops before- plenty. I started up the in-store series for women for Home Depot nearly ten years ago, workshops for empowering children, communication in a corporate environment, product knowledge and service in the land of medical devices, and have even several manuals to go along with them. But last night...BLISS.
Last night was the first workshop that I got to do that was 100% mine. The concept, the content, the delivery, the deep feeling of it tingling your body with satisfaction- all mine. It was the first time that there was no sponsor, no one had paid me to come talk on a particular topic (though I LOVE doing that too), and I wasn't told to do it- it was something that I have desired to do for some time and I had declared that I am not waiting anymore.
Earlier this week, I was thinking and exploring the notions of vulnerability, courage, and desires. This bubbled up and I posted on Facebook, "For those who have deemed me Courageous: The ancient root of the word "courage" is cor, which in Latin refers to the heart. Courage is to do something with your WHOLE heart. To be scared, admit the fear, and press on anyway. Thank you for loving me when I embrace my vulnerablilty. It is the birthplace of joy, love, and creativity." The part that I had left out was about the desire.
Listen- I am talking desires, not wants. There is a difference. I had drawn a line in the sand earlier this year and started I'm Not Weighting Anymore. It is about the physical weight but that physical weight was the manifestation of the other things that I had been carrying around. I had been doing the things that I thought that I "should" and not even voicing my desires. On January 18 of this year that stopped- and here we are.
My desire was to make a difference in the world. To make a difference with you. My desire is to step into my essence and influence others to do the same. See, when you acknowledge your genius and live your life from there- leaning into your desires- you become desired. And that is sexy!
Speaking of sexy, what is it anyhow? Is it the blonde in the centerfold who is 34-24-36? Is it the hairless man with the chiseled jawline? No. Not any of that. It's not the smokin' hot shoes- it's being ABLE to walk in those smokin' hot shoes. It is being COURAGEOUS and living into your DESIRES. There is nothing reasonable about it. It is compassion and acknowledging the genius in others when you see it and supporting them in achieving their desires. It is geting out of your way so that You can show up.
And you know what? It has nothing to do with a size, weight, hair color, or what kind of car that you drive! Come on, Gorgeous. The world is waiting for you. I am waiting for you. Go be sexy today.
Gotta make this short and sweet today. I am handling the final details on my workshop that is launching today - Being Your Sexy Bad Ass Self- and I am so excited!
I had nearly forgotten that I an entire month has passed by since starting my journey with Super Natural Energy Balls, until I was going to the freezer this morning in a mad dash to get the day underway... the final seven balls for the day. WHAT?! Really?! Noooooo!
So I am in a total space of elation and gratitude in my life. I am truly living out on the skinny branches in life, no pun intended, and I know that I am able to generate and maintain the energy level due to my current nutrition. I have been fueling my body on a cellular level and keeping it hydrated allowing for this body in motion to stay in motion on so many levels.
As you know, this blog was intended to document the various paths tried and documenting the journey. Well, I found something that gives me the results that I have desired and now I need to choose whether to continue on it or not. I do have other products that I have been given from various folks that love supporting me but I don't want to lose any ground that I have made and I definitely want to maintain the level that I am operating on.
Here's the recap of the past month:
Starting weight with SNEB 196Ending 4 weeks later with SNEB 187
My skin is healthier
Energy without gittery- strung out feeling
Craving raw foods and passing right over the processed crap
* I will update BF% loss
I am now choosing a higher quality of food because it supports the higher quality of life that I am living. I get to thrive all of the time. From the time that I wake up in the morning, I feel fresh and ready to go. That energy keeps going all through the day, without the 3pm Bonk, and on to bedtime. At that point, I just lay down, close my eyes and drift into typically a great sleep.
Speaking of energy- I gotta boogie! Tonight's workshop series launch is going to be nothing less that absofuckinglutely amazing! I am so honored to get to spend the next four weeks with these women and see what they reate as a result of it. G'on whitcha sexy self!
Oh, and I think that I need to call the fabulous folks at Super Natural Energy Balls to order some more choco balls! I think that I want to keep this good thing going'.
Wow, holy shit balls. No, not a reference to my oh so FABulous Super natural Energy Balls but, just, wow.
Nearly a month ago, someone told me to just wait and see- the weight is going to melt off. You have no idea how badly I wanted to believe this angelic voice. Most if me did. But that other voice, that bitch was going on and on about how many times over the past few years I have attempted to release this weight that I have carried and it just. didn't. happen.
A month later, my life is in a completely different space both literally and figuratively. There has been so much going on in it that it is difficult to say just which piece was the one that made the difference. Honestly, I think that it was the fact that it was the perfect storm and having nutrition that supports me at the level that I am choosing the play my life.
Lemme tell you, I am loving living this juicy, vibin' life that I am creating. That is not to say that I am not without stress. Whoa, baby. It's there all right. But I keep my entire being in motion. Flowing, oozing, and influencing others along the way- all abundantly. Affluence, Baby, affluence.
Weigh in Friday AM 189
down 4lbs THIS WEEK.
down 15lbs total since Jan 18, 2011
down 7lbs in last two weeks
This has been the juiciest week yet- complete with me owning my essence in several areas. Coincidence? hahahahaha, hardly!
Do me and the world a favor. Seriously. Find something in this world that you find juicy as hell... and lose yourself in it for a bit. However long is up to you. Rinse. Repeat.
Wow- it’s been some time since my last post. Whenever people (myself included) fall off of the radar from their various communities, it can typically be attributed to one of two things: Either things are going so fast and so furious that you can’t get your rear end to sit down long enough, or you have been doing stuff that you are not proud of.
I cannot tell you how many times that I would just fall off of everyone’s radar. POOF. Just like that- gone. I would be up to all sorts of no good. If it was around my workouts/nutrition, surely I had not been doing any workout at all and I would have been eating all sorts of fast food, baked goods, and whatever types of I know better foods.
Well, this time it has been a mixture of the two. I have been busy with everything that a move entails- including the unpacking, schedule juggling, and the changing family dynamics with the separation- getting a new car to support the amount of driving that I will need to do, and still with the business in the back of my mind. After all, gotta put food on the table.
I’m pretty damn proud of myself- I have been doing great sticking to eating my Super Natural Energy Balls for breakfast and lunch. Mostly. There have been a time or two where I have forgotten to pack them for later and I find myself needing to eat well during the day. In those cases, I have just made sure to have a fabulous salad or other mostly raw yumminess. And in the evenings, I have been eating mostly raw with the couple of meals that I have prepared for me and the kids. In those cases, I have just made really clean meals. Clean meals= not a lot of shit ingredients in them.
I have also started ‘blessing’ my food before I eat it. During my conversation with Sadee of SNEB, we talked about biophotons a bit and what foods emit them. Somewhere in that FABulous chat, I learned that it had been documented with a special film that can photograph the biophoton emissions and it was found that food that had been blessed emitted energy whereas food that hadn’t been did not.
Now, if the whole blessing thing has your panties in a bunch, checkout the science side of this. All that anything is, is energy. Period. No more, no less. Some of it we can touch, feel, smell, taste, whatever, and some of it we cannot. Intention is sort of the same way. You walk into a home that has a lot of arguing in it, you feel the tension. Conversely, when you walk into a home that is filled with love, you just feel so at home- even when no one else is there.
So y’all know that I blessed the shit outta that Ezell’s chicken! And extra blessings when I ate a Dick’s Deluxe burger- figured I needed the extra intention on that one. At no point though was I feeling guilty, or ashamed. Nor did I have the intention of giving in to a sort of habit, addiction, temptation. I was fully in control and made that choice. I also made sure to drink extra water and start taking a multi-vitamin. Now, I am not saying that you should go eat Ezell’s fried chicken and Dick’s hamburgers everyday and just make sure to bless it, take your vitamins, and chase it down with a big ole glass of water. I am saying that you are still responsible for the choices that you make and pay attention to the Why of those choices.
I betcha wanna know if it made any difference, huh? So this is how the week was: Eating seven fab fab choco balls a day, pretty clean meals, a couple of meals not so nutritious, no workouts to speak of, increase water, start taking a good multi-vitamin…down three more pounds! That’s a total of 11lbs. in six weeks.
Oh, and how do I feel? Well, other than a night spent a bit out of sorts crying from the changing family dynamics, I feel rather great. I have energy, I don’t feel sluggish at all, and the headaches have gone away; except for the morning after that cheap bottle of wine- which I increased water a bit more and added a couple extra balls to the day and was fine by afternoon!
Out of nowhere you have urges, craving, oh my god I just have to have a piece of cake. Oh, and an English muffin. Perhaps waffles. WAIT A MINUTE! Where the hell did all of this come from?!There I was- just minding my own business, eating my seven choco balls a day, and a nutritious dinner, with a ton of water. Water is my friend after all. No real cravings to speak of and I am doing f.i.n.e, fine. We went to dinner last night as Friday nights are family pizza nights. I get a salad (sometimes a single slice) and then they enjoy their pizza. Normally we just order in and enjoy a movie or something but last night I suggested going out.
Everything was pleasant enough for the most part. Just a few days before the kids and I move out and still little stress to speak of between me and the husband. After a few minutes of being at the table together all of a sudden I started noticing him doing many of those little annoying habits that I have about him - and swearing to God that he was doing just to annoy me- I now was craving dessert. Like, really craaaaving it.
Now, the funny thing about this was as soon as I declared my desire for dessert, the more he seemed to annoy me. And then the more that he annoyed me, the stronger the desire. Now let's mix in the date on the calendar. Sorry men readers- that's right- it was the day before I was due to start.
So I am now going out of my mind wanting some decadent, rich, luscious slice of heaven as well as pulling every positive tool that I have to manage this frustration with my husband. Now where to get what I want? There is a fabulous bakery that I know of- and it would cost me nearly 900 calories. And then there is this other place- and about the same amount of calories. Shit. As much as I do want that dessert, I still don't want to invest that much to it. Oh, I know! I had seen a recipe for a raw vegan dessert for a coconut 'cream' pie. Umm...no time. I NEED INSTANT GRATIFICATION HERE FOLKS! I get the carbs and nobody gets hurt.
Being committed to maintain my cool in front of the kids, and not do any harm to my husband, I pull into the parking lot of my local grocer and go inside. I go to the fancy bakery case and salivate. No. Not going to the monster calorie splurge. Then I see it. A yellow cake with a salty caramel frosting. PERFECT.
After I get it home, I cut one slice and sit and enjoy it. Every. Single. Bite. I grab a choco ball out of the freezer to chase it down. No clue why I did this exactly but hey. We continued on to enjoy The Princess and the Frog for the rest of the evening and no one got hurt.
Are the carbs an addiction? Perhaps. And I am clear that my commitments to my family and not acting cracked out due to carb addiction, PMS, still detoxing, and marital and business stress outweighed that piece of salty caramel yellow cake last night.
And- today is a new day.
Right now I have a headache- it reminds me to drink water...lots of water. I have still been having cravings for things like pancakes and such but nothing totally out of control. The smell of certain foods can get me hung up but other than that, cravings are pretty manageable.
But this headache? Shit. A little tidbit for you about me, I rarely get headaches so when I do have one, I have to be responsible and not turn into uber bitch. Now at this point, some folks may be like, "Nope, I'm outta here. I'm not eating that stuff if I'm going to get headaches.". That is not me. I know what is going on and I was informed of it beforehand.
See, Sadee (owner of Super Natural Energy balls) had given me the download on these things. The user will go through a detox period. Got it. And headaches are common. You betcha. Make sure to drink water during this time- about a gallon throughout the day. Yup, roger dodger. Um. Wait. THROUGHOUT the day. Shit. That is why my frontal lobe feels like it is trying to escape through my forehead right now. I haven't been drinking throughout the day and have used the headache as a reminder to drink.
Much like pain meds, if you keep up on it, you can totally ward off some nasty yuck. But should you let it get away from you, and you have to get it back under control...you now get to keep your cool with others too.
Whenever you are taking on something that YOU need to work through, talk to your support community beforehand- weight, diets, personal development, analizing your business. This way if you do momentarily go all bi-polar on them, they will have an idea as to what it is about. But as always, be responsible for who you are in the world- even when you really just tear off everyone's head because you wish that you could rip off your own.
I start posting about choco balls and I emails, phone calls, and friends wanting to talk about my balls in just a couple of days of playing with them. I love it!
During my meantime, and Day One of use of Super Natural Energy Ball, I had bloated up from 196 to 198. I ate Chinese food (high sodium) and started to release toxins. Sadee had informed me that I may gain a bit of weight initially when starting to use SNEB. See, it is feeding you at a cellular level- more about that later- and it let's your body know that it is ok to let go of the toxic shit in your system. Since the toxins need water to flush it out, it will retain water to make sure to get it out. So I followed her instruction and started pounding water yesterday: like over a gallon. This morning I am back to 196.
This post I am going to keep the details high level.
No, they do not taste like ass. They taste like a green version of chocolate and there is a sweet version of them too. If you leave them at room temperature though, it will change the taste so keep them in the freezer if you like firmer balls or the fridge if you prefer softer balls.
I eat seven balls a day- I'm a big baller since I am using them for weight loss and not to simply supplement my current food intake. One as soon as I get up, two about an hour after that, one mid-morning, one around lunchtime, two around the 3pm slump, and then a sensible dinner. Of course, it is recommended that if you are hungry then eat! These little gems do control your appetite though- again, since you are feeding yourself at a cellular level. Don't worry, I will be doing a whole post just on that.
All of the ingredients are raw and there are added enzymes in there for you.
They come in a box of 105- so if you are using them for weight loss you would eat seven balls a day. This would last you two weeks- just enough time to fully detox. And if you are using them to maintain or as a nutritional supplement to you food intake, it would last you a full month of three-four balls per day.
I keep them in the freezer- I like them a bit firm. I have a small glass bowl that stays in the freezer and I count out seven balls each morning. Otherwise, I would just keep going to the freezer and eat them all day!
Oh my gawd- I can not tell you just how excited that I am to use this product! I am not even quite sure where to begin with telling you all about them. Ugh- and the sexy mad scientist behind these things- Sadee Whip- nothing less than divine.
Now, before I tell you anything about my new fabulous balls, let me back up the train a sec. Back in November, I wanted to attend a conference with Ladies Who Launch
here in Seattle. It was a two day event with some absofuckinglutely amazing women speaking, moderating, facilitating, and attending. I could not afford to go as I had already invested in a marketing project and the conference had not been in the budget plan for Ternion Results. And I still wanted to go. Falling back on what I know to be true- when you can't see a possible way, ask for a miracle and turn to your community. Within a couple of days- I shit you not- I was gifted a ticket for both days. I listened, I shared, I learned tons, and I met gorgeous human beings doin their thang successfully. Oh- it was fab fab fab.
Then this tall, slender, knock out woman who just oozed sexy hot confidence stood up and started talking about her choco balls: "Eat chocolate, lose weight, feel fantastic." Whatev lady, you with your fabulous genetics and your chocolate balls. What did she know about losing weight anyhow? My inner bitch was being resigned and cynical to no surprise. Then, despite whatever head talk I was letting my inner bitch run rampant with, she just started being
in conversation. I immediately saw that this had little or nothing to do with genetics. This juicy sexiness was coming from within
her. I had to talk to her and find out more about what she is up to and who she is. I wanted what she
had and my inner bitch wasn't going to stop me with whatever story she was trying to tell me about not being good enough or genetically screwed. She started to share that it was largely to do with the nutrition that she fueled herself with at a cellular level. Science mumbo jumbo or not, I wanted that saucy vitality
back in my life!
I did have a fab conversation with Sadee and could not tell you anything of what I said or much of what she said either. I can, however, remember very vividly how in creating
a conversation and being
in communication with her had made me feel
. I tried the SNEBs for a day and felt amazing. So when the opportunity came for me to use them to support my weight loss, first, I did a double fist pump in the air, then a little booty shakin in the living room, and immediately got in contact. Fast forward to this morning...
I sat with Sadee for an hour geeking out over the science
that these little guys are packing. After researching a bit lately on raw foods, I learned that what she was talking about was not mumbo jumbo or slimy marketing at all. Looking at the ingredient list, five of the first seven ingredients are raw super foods
. I will have to go over my notes and break it all down into bite size dollops for you but over all, AMAZING stuff!
To learn a bit more about them gems, you can check out her Facebook page here
. And just so that I am not stepping over anything, I want to address the regimen for this. Because my body will be going through a detox first with this product, two weeks is not sufficient time for the energy balls to really take affect. I will be using them for a full month. I will be sharing with you a bit of the science behind them as well as documenting my body and mind's response to them over this time. Ok- now for me to get going working on my workshop series that I am creating and another that I am collaborating with some fine fine ladies on.
Oh the possibilities!