I got to the point where I was willing to look fear in the eye and put together a blog post about being ready to start again. Trust me, it was very emotional her at the house as I made that choice. I was clear about the work that would need to be done and this would not be easy. But now what?
Well, honey, first things first. GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD! That's a dangerous place! And IF you must venture in, DON'T GO THERE ALONE! Now I know that statement sounds funny but think about that for a second.... That voice that likes to reside in there is rude. And that's when its on its best behavior. If you have read any of the original posts from two years ago, you see how it can be ugly. Not to mention the profanity!
No matter what great goal you have, no matter what fabulous strategy you have formulated, and no matter who you have supporting you in this, if you don't silence that voice in there, you will not complete this journey.
Now when I say silence it, I don't mean make it no longer make any 'noise' somehow. That is impossible. Remember on the playground in elementary school? You remember that annoying kid or bully? No matter what you said to try and make them shut up, it only got worse and drove you mad. Your teachers told you to ignore it. "Don't let it bother you", they said. But it did bother you. Looking back though, you can see that they really had no power. And the same holds true with this voice.
It really isn't going to be shutting up so much; however, you get to choose not to listen. And if you were successful in getting that playground bully to leave you alone on the playground, I bet it was when you simply stopped letting it bug you. That kid would say whatever he was saying and went about your business anyhow. Eventually, you never heard a peep from him again. It was as though he was silenced.
So that is where we are going to start. Our first step is to stop listening to that voice.
You are incredible. You are enough. You are wonderfully made. You are strong. You can do this.
There is no room for the "Yeah, but....." in there. Shhhhh. Let your heart talk. Listen to what it has to say.
There may be some healing that needs to happen there but you'll never know what that is unless you stop listening to the voice and give your heart the mic.
Thank you God for giving me peace. I am at a place where I no longer have any anxiety in this area and I know that I can do anything while I look to you for my strength. Ain't no mountain high enough!