Just like every other human being on this planet, I experience fear. Over the years I have found ways to manage it so that it doesn't manage me; however, there are still things in this worked that scares me to death. If you have followed I'm Not Weighting Anymore, then you know that I had to deal with a great deal of fear about facing my weight for the first time in a public forum. For most of us, a huge amount of our fears are all wrapped up inside of The Fear of Looking Bad.
So last night I was awaken by my lil guy who had an accident in the middle of the night. After I got him cleaned up and back into warm jammies, I slid back into bed with my mind suddenly racing, churning, rolling, tugging and pulling this way and that. All that was on my mind was "How am I going to do this?".
Back story: My husband and I are separating and the kids and I are moving out. No drama involved and what drama is there is at a minimum at best. I have only recently jettisoned my good corporate job and my current income can not sustain us. I am going to have to be manifesting like a mo' fo'.
Fast forward back this morning at 2:30am . It looked a little something like this --> What am I doing? How stupid am I? I mean, there isn't even a back up plan in place, Ang. Maybe I can do this, maybe I can do that. Stop it. You are coming from a place of scarcity and nothing good come from that. But what if no one likes it or buys it? What if I don't put food on the table? What if, what if, what if?
What if I don't? Then I don't. But what if I do? I remembered Dyana Valentine's video about surviving. I remind myself about what I say about failure and instead of asking what if I fail, what if I don't.
When we are in this space, it is crucial that we find love for ourselves. We need to allow ourselves grace to make a few mistakes and give ourselves permission in many areas. Danielle LaPorte just published this today and it was just what I needed (funny, that was also the case with Dyana'a video). It will be ok that my lil guy sleeps with me until I get him his own bed. It is perfect that we will be eating on paper plates for a bit until I get a new set. And it is even alright that I don't have a plan cemented for revenue streams at this very moment.
On any given day, in any given moment, something could happen that opens up for you an entirely new path. Be still, be alert, be ready. ~Marianne Williamson
When I spoke of my fear to Mama Gena today, she asked me "What do you DESIRE?" I answered that I desire for my business to THRIVE. See, when I win, you win. And when you win, I win. It stimulates a thriving community that is brought on by full self expression.
I do hope that whatever fears that you may have that don't make yourself wrong for having them. You are human. And as a human being, your sole purpose here on Earth is to love. Period. So get busy loving yourself and allowing yourself some grace. I'm gonna start looking at how I can express my love for my community through my work and make our world a better place.
Danielle, Dyana, Marianne, and Mama, thank you for unknowingly guiding me.